Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Going CRAZY!!!!!

Yep...I think I've officially hit "CRAZY"!!!! I never realized how much my life revolved around looking at the calendar. I always thought to myself...I'll never be one of those moms that is constantly counting the days until we get PA. NEVER SAY NEVER!!!! I've officially become one of those moms! I didn't realize how much of a slave I have become to my computer! I'm constantly checking and refreshing my email in hopes of our out. Come on! Enough already!

Okay, on the serious side. Is this horrible of me to desire something so much? I am a Christian with a strong faith in God and His promises. Am I doubting His timing? I KNOW that His timing is not just good, it's perfect...but why am I constantly checking my email? I need some advice, some encouraging words, some uplifting news... In my head, I was just sure that we would receive PA approval and we would be entering PGN in August. I shouldn't be surprised that my faith is being tested. Isn't that what adopting is all about??? Faith??? Faith in your agency, faith in our country, faith in our foster moms, faith in the Guatemala government, and most importantly faith in God. Enough of the rambling...just had to vent a bit.

3 comments:

Becky & David said...

My heart goes out to you. I know all to well what you're going through. I had to keep telling myself that I'm not in control--God is!
I can't remember how long you've been waiting for PA, but have you contacted Isakson's office yet? He was so much help for me!

Ruthanne said...

Oh, Bethany. I completely understand your pain and anxiety. I've asked myself those exact same questions. My conclusion is that it's not a question of faith. I KNOW this is the path that God chose for me. I have complete faith that I am doing the right thing and that this will happen. The issue for me is Trust. I know the two are often synonyms--faith and trust. But for me, trust goes much deeper. It goes beyond faith...and that has been the most difficult part of this journey for me.
The wait for PA was much harder for me than the wait in PGN. (probably because it was 3 weeks longer!) Prayers and hugs to you---it's going to happen.

Aneth Boozer said...

Dear Bethany,

I can't imagine how hard this must be for you. I have never adopted and I remember my anxiety and nervousness when I waited for each of my children to be born. And they were inside me the WHOLE time! I thought with each one it would lessen but it didn't because your heart expands with each and God gives you more love to share with each so the other side of the coin is that you worry and fret and are anxious as much with the first as you are with the others. I wish I had words of wisdom and comfort. I can't say I would trade places with you because I know how weak my faith is sometimes and I think I would have a much harder time remembering whos I am and Who is in control than you are. I found a scripture and I want to share it with you.
"Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall." Psalm 55:22.

What you are doing is just that -- you are casting your cares on the Lord. You are not doubting Him or his Love, or Wisdom. You are telling Him about your feelings on His timing. He needs to hear that although He already knows it. Take Heart -- HE will not forsake you now.

Aneth