Monday, November 26, 2007

Tough, tough day

Today has been a tough, tough day. Actually, it's been a pretty tough weekend. We left our little angel back in Guatemala on Saturday morning. Like I've always said, it's just unnatural to leave your child in a foreign country with strangers. Um, strangers??? I guess I can't call them strangers, they are the ones raising my child in my absence. I hate that! I hate the fact that I can't bring her home. I hate the fact that I don't know the answers to when she's coming home. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it.
I've refused to talk about it. If I talk about it, then my feelings become too real. At this point, I feel that I must supress my feelings so that I can function. All day long, I thought that at any moment I was going to burst into tears, uncontrollable tears. All I keep thinking about is watching her walk away from me. My heart is broken and my mind is numb. As a matter of fact, my whole body is numb.

6 comments:

Melissa Eckert said...

Dear Bethany,
Do not think for a moment you are unheard...that He does not know! "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord,"plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11.
He says Bethany, "Come to me...you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart and you will find rest for your soul
(s). For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28-30. If I have life verses, these are mine. And I felt that you needed some life and truth spoken over you tonight. You are in my prayers. Melissa

M & J said...

Sending you a big HUG!!!!

Lou said...

Bethany,
I still remember the pain of leaving Anne Pearce. The last time I left her I felt so sick on the plane....I remember looking out the window as long as I could just staring at Guatemala. I am praying that you get the wonderful call so soon, and that you are going to be with that sweet girl forever!

Visiting is wonderful and horrible at the same time.... wonderful while you're there and horrible when you have to leave. I don't know if I'll go visit at all next time.... I say that now, but I'll probably be on a plane to sign the POA!!!! Let yourself grieve and miss Caroline. Start planning your next trip, and focus on that.

love to you.....

Ruthanne said...

Oh Bethany...I remember that feeling so well. I shut down around July. I just tried to feel nothing--not that you can actually do that, but I tried. There were two things that kept me going:
1. I knew that God told me to adopt so I knew that He would work it out the way it was supposed to.
2. I kept praying and reminding myself that God already knew how everything was going to turn out. I could miss Andrew and be sad, but I didn't have to worry because someone much more powerful was in control and not even Sr. Barrios could stop His plan.
Have faith, honey. It's going to happen and all of this pain will be a distant memory. Until then, BIG {{{HUGS}}}. I can't wait to hear your good news. It's going to be SOON!!!

Nancy McGee said...

Bethany I know you are a mess right now. I saw how hard it was for you to leave her back in September. It was hard for me to leave Isaac too but we WILL have our babies home I promise. GOD has led us down this journey and HE will not leave us or forsake us. You hang in there girl and know that I am praying for you and for all of us waiting ot get our little ones home where they belong.
Nancy
missing Isaac

Stephanie said...

Bethany,

I check your blog ALL of the time, and I know you are going to have your OUT very soon. This process is one of the hardest things I have ever gone through. When she's home, I promise that this terrible wait will be a distant memory. It's hard to fathom, and I didn't believe that when people told me the same, but it is so true. Hang in there. We are praying for a miracle so she can get home where she belongs.

Love,
Stephanie, Gabriella & Emma