Sunday, October 14, 2007

An uplifting moment that turned sad

On Friday night, I broke down and called our foster mom in Guatemala. I've been feeling really sad and missing her so much, that I decided to call her. We have a good friend who is fluent in Spanish so he came over to be my mouth! For the first few minutes, I was strong and happy and then it hit me like a ton of bricks. I was talking to the person who is raising my child for me right now. How messed up is that???

Caroline is very happy and healthy. The doctor in Guatemala reports that Caroline does not have a hernia and what we saw was just fat. What??? I know what I saw and I know the American doctor that looked at it was not wrong! However, this turned out to be a blessing because I was very worried that the doctors would do surgery on her without my permission. God is protecting her and calming my fears by giving the doctors blinders to the hernia!

She loves the jumparoo and still enjoys the bouncer seat. She eats about every 3 hours and is always smiling. The FM also said that when she plays the casssette tape (Tim and I reading our favorite books to her), she smiles a huge smile! I pray each night that her foster family will love her and take good care of her. My prayers are being answered as the FM said that they love her very much. I also feel that she is in excellent care.

After I hung up the phone, I totally lost it. I started crying (more like sobbing) and it made me miss her so much more! I don't know if I'll be able to call her again! Tim thinks that I've been more emotional lately due to the fact that I can't do anything. I'm still a slave to my cast and crutches and I have lots of time on my hands for my mind to wander to Guatemala. I just didn't realize that the last part would be so difficult! I describe us as running a race and we are running downhill with the finish line in sight. Now, I'm not a runner, but who knew that running downhill could be so hard! When is this race going to be over? When is our family going to be complete? When will my heart stop aching? When...when...when...?????


Becky & David said...

OH Bethany! My heart goes out to you. Your family will be complete very soon. I can feel it. You'll be seeing Caroline again in a month, right? Stay strong. She'll be in your arms again very soon.

Diana said...

Keep your chin up! It will be over soon and you will have Caroline forever :-) This whole process is probably the most trying thing most of us will ever go through...but it only makes us all so much stronger!!!! Take care and I'm glad Caroline likes the jumparoo still :-)

Ruthanne said...

Oh Bethany, my heart hurts so bad for you girl. Reading your post brought back so many emotions. The end is absolutely the hardest part, BUT it WILL be over soon and your little one will be in your arms forever. And believe it or not, you forget all this pain. Big {{{HUGS}}} girl. You're going to make it.