Monday, January 19, 2009

Airport Feelings and Memories

This morning, we took Tim to the airport. As I was driving there and especially on the way home, I thought about all of my last trips to and from the airport (mainly home from the airport).

In June...I felt numb. It was the first time that we had met Caroline and the first time we had to return her to her foster family. My neighbor greeted us at the airport and I cried in her arms for what seemed like an eternity. Life was unfair. Tim and I stayed in bed for the next two days without moving.

In July...I felt somewhat hopeful. Of course, I was extremely sad because I had to leave her again, but I knew that her case was progressing and she would be home around Halloween. (the joke was on me!) I didn't stay in bed because I literally had to begin school.

In September...I KNEW something was wrong. It was odd that we still hadn't recieved our US Pre-Approval. I knew the paperwork was lost. I blamed our government for this mistake and praised the Guatemalan authorities. (Little did I know it was both of them to blame.)

In November...I felt like we were never going to get her home. NUMB and HOPELESS were the main feelings. I handed her to her foster family and watched Caroline cry and reach out for me. My heart was broken. We seemed to be lost in the Guatemalan black hole and of course, PGN had never heard of us. This is when I started to take action. Thank you to a dear friend (who shall remain nameless but you know who you are) for helping to uncover some of the truth. We were never submitted. We couldn't even be in the blackhole because we didn't exist! This is when I got MAD!

In February...I boarded the plane and had no idea what I was about to endure. I was physically sick. Never in my wildest dreams did I know that a week vacation was about to become a two month stay on Mr. Magoo's Wild Ride.

In April...we arrived HOME! This was the last time that I had been to the airport. It was one of the most exciting and overwhelming times of my life. We finally had our daughter home and we were back together. (I had been without Tim for two months. He did come in for visits but for short periods.) We were HOME forever!!!!

Who knew that an airport would stir up so many memories?

1 comment:

Leah and Maya said...

Lots of little things will stir up memories, when you are that scared of losing your child I swear its post traumatic stress syndrome, I still can't stand to drive the way to the IVF doctor. ITs good to be home isn't it!